Black Balloon
by Elphaba-Rose
Summary: Where did Leonardo's perfectionist attitude come from? Was he just born with it, or did it come after...a series of events? Shall we investigate?....1ST PLACE FOR BEST LEO SCENE 2006! Abandoned...my apologies.
1. Chapter 1

A.N: Ok, so I was watching TMNT reruns this morning (Series two where they're in space) and it suddenly hit me like one of Raph's roundhouse punches, only thankfully not as hard. Where did Leo's perfectionist attitude come from? I mean, was he just born with it or did it develop after a…series of events? Well that's what I'm investigating. Where did Leo's perfectionist attitude come from?

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT, nuff said.

Black Balloon

Chapter One

"Whut we doin' today Mastah Splinta?" The five year old asked his adoptive father, slurping noisily from his glass of milk, dripping it all down his green chin.

"Please do not gulp your milk like that Michelangelo, it is rude," The old rat reprimanded lightly to his youngest son. He waited for Michelangelo to obediently start drinking properly before answering his pervious question. "I believe it is time for us to start something very exciting my son," He smiled warmly as Michelangelo's face split into a huge grin, lighting his emerald eyes.

"What? What?" He asked eagerly, leaning forward and almost upsetting his bowl of soggy cornflakes.

"Watch it Mike!" His older brother Raphael huffed, snatching his own breakfast out of his destructive baby brother's way. Mike's two remaining brothers gave something of a laugh.

Master Splinter merely shook his head, telling his boisterous son it would have to wait. A little disappointed, Mike returned to gobbling his cornflakes, sitting through and laughing off Raphael's teasing. The old rat master raised his mug of steaming green tea to his mouth and sipped delicately, observing his sons over the rim of the porcelain cup.

He'd been a father for five years now. If you had told him ten years ago that he would be mutated and become a father of four turtles overnight, he'd have simply laughed at you. Or laughed at you as best as a pet rat could. But he had indeed adopted four brothers as sons and they had all mutated into a were-rat and were-turtles, if you want to call them that.

For the past half a decade, he'd struggled to house and cope with them. It wasn't as if they could live comfortably in their city of New York, so they had to settle for old chambers and subway carts and such in the sewers. It was difficult to find food and supplies, and they barely managed.

Because of this his sons had learnt the meaning of sharing and selflessness and value, something most children didn't learn until they were much older. If truth were told, Splinter had been a good father. It certainly wasn't easy raising four boys, especially when you had no money or experience with children whatsoever. But his sons loved him with all their little hearts, he meant everything to them. And they meant the same to him. To be honest, they were the only things he lived for.

He watched each of his sons in turn, eating their breakfasts and bonding together. They were extremely close, but very, very different. He'd named them all after famous Renaissance artists, and their names suited them tremendously well. He was exceptionally proud of them, how could he not be?

His youngest, Michelangelo, was a whirlwind. Splinter had no idea where his energy came from. He was naturally athletic and bouncy, often running around and singing and playing at the top of his lungs. However he adored listening to the radio and watching the old portable television and looking at the pictures in old tatty comics just as much. Michelangelo, or Mike and sometimes Mikey, was one of the happiest children Splinter had ever seen. Sure, he was something of a crybaby, but he was the baby, it was expected. He looked devotedly up to every single one of his brothers.

His second youngest, Donatello, more often Don and maybe Donny, was a lot quieter. And he was also extremely clever. He was the first one to speak, first to walk, everything. He was even reading and writing at a level twice his age. Splinter found it hard to curb Donatello's thirst and curiosity for learning and knowledge. He was also reluctant to argue with his siblings, and was very interested in pulling things apart to see how they worked, particularly anything mechanical, like the radio and TV. What amazed Splinter more was his ability to put them back together again, albeit a little haphazardly.

Splinter's second oldest son was Raphael, a child with a seriously short temper. It wasn't that he was a selfish and spoilt boy, far from it. He just found near enough everything infuriating. He argued a lot and was even sometimes a little violent. But Splinter knew Raph's heart was in the right place, he was rather protective of his brothers, especially Michelangelo, even if he did play a little too rough sometimes and was often the cause of Michelangelo's many hurts and discomforts. It was hard for him to show affection towards his brothers and father, whereas Donatello and Michelangelo had no problems whatsoever displaying fondness. But they all knew he loved them, deep down.

And finally, Leonardo, his eldest. There was no one more protective and caring than him. Leo was always looking out for his brothers, always the one to pick them up when they fell, do something with them when they were bored, comfort them after nightmares and scrapes when their father could not. He was also very quiet and obedient; acting upon every order Splinter gave him. He was polite and reserved too, not really having any hobbies for himself. He didn't openly show his feelings either. Yet he was so clumsy! He was far from graceful or athletic; often breaking many things he set his hands upon, tripping over his own two left feet, he didn't have great stamina either. Yet he was also very determined, and didn't seem to let it get him down.

Splinter mentally sighed, knowing his eldest son was going to have much difficulty in the paths he was going to set them. Michelangelo would do fine with his hyperactivity, Raphael could finally tame his violent strength and Donatello could get some confidence. But Leonardo was not nimble, or strong, quite the opposite. Splinter couldn't leave him out, and he saw potential yet, it might just take a lot to drag it out.

The growing turtles soon devoured breakfast and the dishes were washed each in turn. They were still learning to clean up after themselves (Michelangelo and Raphael rather reluctantly) and having them clean up their own cutlery and pots was a reasonable way to do it. After all the dishes were stowed away in their boxes (Leonardo's miraculously unbroken), Splinter led them to one of the old chambers in the sewers.

He smiled, listening to Michelangelo's excited babble of spaceships and pets and other childhood fantasies that may be behind the locked wooden door. The others patiently listened, Raphael often throwing in his own suggestions when Michelangelo's grew a little farfetched. Donatello offered his logic whereas Leonardo remained silent; he had a bad feeling about this.

Splinter pulled an old, rusty iron key from the inside of his ragged kimono and with the air of unveiling something spectacular, unlocked and swung open the old door, which creaked upon its ancient, corroded hinges and let his children peer eagerly inside the previously forbidden room. They all let out gasps, not sure whether or not they should be disappointed or impressed.

They were looking into a very large room, with no furniture except for wall racks and a couple of hand made punch bags. Upon the racks were weapons of various sorts, ranging from swords and staffs to nunchucks and spears and so on. The floor was covered with a soft spongy material to aid falls and it was clean and empty, indicating it was used often. So this was where Master Splinter went to for hours sometimes!

Splinter rested his paws onto his two most eager sons' shoulders before they darted forwards to upset the displays. They all peered curiously up at their father and he indicated they should all sit down on the squashy floor in the middle of the room. They ran forwards, excited and a little nervous, their eyes flickering everywhere, trying to take it all in greedily.

"Now my sons," Splinter began, kneeling down, his bones creaking, and laying his cane before him. "I know you are all very eager to explore and satisfy your curiosity but please listen to an old rat first," He smiled at their different expressions.

Raphael was frustrated as if enthusiastic to discover and play. Michelangelo was bouncing up and down, clearly hyper and thrilled. Donatello was patient and a tad nervous. Leonardo looked calm and ready for anything, although deep down, he was terrified. He knew this wasn't going to be good.

"You ain't old," Raph pointed out, his beak twisting cheekily. Splinter gave a laugh. Kids.

"Still, please listen. First and foremost children, I cannot stress to you enough, you should not come in here or touch anything without my permission. As you can see, the objects in this room are extremely dangerous, and could seriously hurt you, possibly kill you. Do you understand?" He asked serenely, fixing each of his children with a stern look. They all nodded, obedient and fascinated.

Leo gulped and bit his lip; he really didn't like the sound of this. He didn't like this room; he didn't like the weapons, the feel, any of it. He felt out of place and small, especially next to his excited younger brothers. Even Donny was starting to get energized now.

"Good. Now, I have told you about my own father, Master Yoshi, but what I have not told you, is that Master Yoshi, and myself are ninjas," Splinter revealed, fully expecting to have to explain what ninjas were.

"Ninjas? Like them on TV?" Mike asked breathlessly, eyes lighting up in glee.

"No Michelangelo, ninjas in real life, are much, much better," Splinter replied, his own beady black eyes twinkling.

"Aw can I be a ninja Mastah? Please, please, please!" Mikey pleaded, almost jumping up and down now. Raph was throwing in his own impatient 'Yeah, me too Mastah!' and Donny was grinning widely in anticipation. But Leonardo was not pleading, or fervent, or expectant.

"Patience my sons, patience. What you must understand is that Ninjitsu is not like how it is portrayed on the television. It is much more serious and complicated," The rat said seriously, noting Michel's slightly disappointed look.

"You mean there's more'n kickin' butt?" Raph frowned. Splinter sighed, he was already getting tired of correcting Raphael's language, but he knew it would just be one of those things he would not be able to alter.

"Yes Raphael, a lot more than that. Bushido is a traditional Japanese code of honour, self-discipline, bravery and simple living. Ninjas follow that code. Shadows are their friend, light is their enemy," He answered brightly; he truly loved his way of life.

"But Mastah, I don't like the dark," Mikey muttered uneasily, calming down and cowering a little for the first time that day.

"It's ok Mikey, dark can't hurt you," Leo smiled, leaning forwards to squeeze his little brother's shoulder and speaking reassuringly. Splinter smiled widely.

"Leonardo is right, Michelangelo. The darkness cannot hurt you. A ninja practices stealth and secrecy, the darkness will aid you in your assignment," He knew Michelangelo's greatest difficulty would be getting over his fear of the dark, but he had great confidence in him. Mikey frowned as if doubting but let it slide.

"So, are we going to be ninjas too Sensei?" Donny asked enquiringly.

"Yes Donatello, you are," Splinter smiled again as Mikey squealed, Raph whooped and Don gasped. Leo remained blank.

And so Master Splinter began his sons' first Ninjitsu lesson. It was just as he'd feared. He wasn't expecting them to be brilliant and have natural gifts for the art, but Raph had been too eager to pick up the sharper weapons, Michelangelo far too boisterous, Donatello reluctant and shy and Leonardo was nervous and disastrously clumsy.

The amount of displays he'd knocked over was uncountable, and he'd tripped when there was nothing to fall over. He'd gotten his feet ravelled up when kicking, stumbled when punching. All in all, not a good session for the eldest, especially not when his brother's had been slightly better.

Raphael and Michelangelo's laughing and teasing had not helped. Yet Leonardo had appeared not to get frustrated, seemingly ignored and tolerated it. He simply tried again, trying to get it right. But he hadn't. He was simply terribly inept and nothing seemed to come to him.

Master Splinter sighed and dismissed them a couple of hours later. Raph and Mike aawwed and unwillingly traipsed off to go do their own thing, talking animatedly together about being ninja. Donny wasn't as hesitant to end their training but Leonardo stayed where he was on the squishy mat in the middle of the dojo, looking deep in thought.

"Are you alright Leonardo?" Master Splinter enquired, looking down on his eldest.

He'd worked really hard, but it hadn't been enough. He was determined though; the old rat would give him that. He was just not the right concoction for the perfect ninja. Splinter had always had a dream, of raising a group of great ninjas, who were talked about all over the world, and they were all like shadows, swift and sudden in the dark. Who better to be those ninjas than his sons?

But Leonardo was questionable. Raph had a fiery power to back up his strength. Mike had great stamina for his agility. Don had logic to support his disinclination to engage in unnecessary battle. But Leonardo? Sure he was determined, but no ninja. Splinter loved his sons and wouldn't change them for the world, but he had a feeling his dreams had just gone down the drain.

"Yes Master. Um…can I…may I practice a bit more?" Leo asked politely, turning his small beseeching face upto his master. It was hard for Splinter to deny those bright sapphire eyes.

"I'm afraid not Leonardo, too much practicing can be bad for you, we don't want you overexerting yourself do we?" He smiled, putting an arm around his small son's shoulders as they walked together.

"No Master," Leo replied submissively.

A few minutes later Leonardo found himself curled up in a tatty but comfy armchair, reading a picture book to himself. It was one of his favourites, The Ugly Duckling. His brothers didn't like it much, but he loved the story of a duckling transforming into a beautiful swan.

He sighed, not really reading though. He was alone for once, Master Splinter had taken Donatello on a scavenger hunt for supplies and Raph and Mike were in their room playing violently with some old Action Men, one missing an arm, the other completely naked. It didn't bother them though; a toy was a toy, whether it had clothes on or not.

The little boy couldn't help but think of the earlier ninja class though. He'd been a disgrace compared to his brothers. He felt frustration and anger at himself creeping through his veins? Why? Why couldn't he do it? Why was he so clumsy? Why, why, why? These were only the basic moves, what on earth would he be like attempting the more advanced ones?

He hated letting Master Splinter down. He could see the disappointment shining in those ebony eyes no matter how hard he covered it. Leo felt his eyes burn and his throat close up. He would not cry! He would not! He would do it, he would be the great ninja Master Splinter wanted him to be, two left feet or not.

Stubbornly and determinedly, shaking a little with aggravation, Leo made his way to the only room in the 'house' with a lock besides the dojo, the bathroom. He made sure he veered well clear of anything he could knock or trip over and snuck in there.

That was the first time Hamato Leonardo, aged five years old, trained silently by himself, for only half an hour, it was all he could manage without looking suspicious. It was long enough for his anger at himself to deepen, strengthening his determination.

To Be Continued

A.N: All done lolness. Hope ya liked that and please review! If ya got any constructive criticism or ideas for what could happen don't hesitate to drop me a line. Much love to you all!


	2. Chapter 2

A.N: Wow thanks for all the great reviews, you guys all rock! A clumsy Leo _is _a cute one hehe; I was going 'aw' when I was writing it lolness. Anywayz, here's chapter three.

Disclaimer: Check out chapter one, sadly no change, but you all know that.

Black Balloon

Chapter Two

Splinter bit back his sigh of exasperation and tried to fix a mask of calm patience on his old face. A flicker of frustration flashed on his eldest's features as he fell to the floor with a thump and his brothers' laughs began echoing in his ears. But then next second, he was looking up at his father expectantly, waiting for him to tell him what he had done wrong. The rat wondered if he'd imagined that brief disappointment.

"Try again Leonardo, and for the countless time, _keep your toes in the same place as if they're nailed to the floor_," He stressed for yet another time.

He was aware of Raphael and Michelangelo sniggering from where he had assigned them on kata duty. Even Donatello was finding it funny watching his brother fall hard on his butt time and time again. They hurriedly resumed racking their young brains for the next movement in the sequence when their Sensei gave them a raised eyebrow.

"Yes Master," Leonardo replied compliantly, climbing to his feet.

He tried to ignore his brothers' amusement but inside he was screaming at them to stop laughing. He was trying! He really, really was trying! He was doing exactly what the old rat was saying, but for some infuriating reason his feet would not listen to him and ravelled together, sending him backwards onto the mats. It was only a stepping thrust kick! His little brothers had had no problem.

He grudgingly attempted it again, and again and again and again. After Leonardo had tumbled for what must've been the twentieth time, Splinter finally let out the moan of vexation he had been keeping determinedly under wraps and declared the lesson over. Donatello and Raphael stopped argueing about the kata and Michelangelo let out a whoop of glee, it was his turn to go hunting for supplies with their father today.

"Can we go, can we go, can we gooooo? Pleeease!" Mike begged immediately, jogging over to his master and tugging gleefully at his kimono. Splinter smiled at his enthusiasm.

"Yes Michelangelo, we shall go. Find your coat," He said, giving him a little push towards the door. Mike ran without having to be told twice.

"Mastah, tell Donny it's a whaddya call it? One o' them," Raph demonstrated a sloppy but powerful punch, pummelling thin air.

"A dragon punch Raphael," Splinter answered with a raised eyebrow at his son's eager strength.

"A dwagopunch, afta the snap kick," Raph said, glaring at his smart brother.

"Nuh-uh! It's a roundhouse!" Donny argued, folding his little arms and pouting.

"Forget it for now my sons, we shall recap it tomorrow," Splinter gave a small smile, pushing them towards the exit. He didn't have the heart to tell Raphael he was wrong.

Just as they were going through the door, Splinter turned and remembered his eldest. Leonardo was still sprawled on the floor on his hard shell, leaning on his elbows, not moving a muscle. He was staring dead ahead, his expression blank and emotionless.

"Leonardo," Splinter called sharply. Leo jumped and turned his head to face his Sensei. Don and Raph trotted into the main lair, still disagreeing about the kata.

"Yes Sensei?" Leo asked, sitting up properly, his face still pretty much impassive.

"Come along, we shall practice again tomorrow," Splinter ordered, resting his paw on the door, ready to lock.

Leo nodded and stood up. He walked quickly out of the place before his Sensei could tell he was angry with himself. Despite how hard Splinter had tried to hide it, Leonardo knew he was disappointed in him. How could he not be? He was honestly doing his best, but the moves didn't seem to come. Something always went wrong.

It was so much worse when his brothers were sliding along. They weren't exactly brilliant, but they were much better than he was. They were slowly learning the way of the ninja, whilst he was left in their dust. It wasn't supposed to be like this! He should at least be just as good as them!

He was the big brother, he had to be.

"Maybe we should all go on this trip together, how does that sound?" Splinter asked his son, entertaining hopes an hour out with his brothers doing something they all loved would perk him up. Leo looked back at his warm face, knowing it was an act. He was only five, but he had already learnt how to annotate his Sensei's face.

"No thank you Sensei, I feel…I feel a bit poorly, d'you…I mean, please may I stay here?" He questioned politely, watching the rat lock the door and tuck the key into his kimono.

Splinter couldn't resist those eyes this time. Besides Leonardo was responsible and sensible, just clumsy. If he set certain rules into place, maybe leaving him on his own for an hour, two at the most, wouldn't be such a bad idea. He knew Leonardo would never disobey him.

"You may," He smiled, sighing a little. "But you must not leave here, or go into the kitchen or my quarters. No matter what happens, you must not do these, do you understand?" He raised an eye, his face stern.

"Yes Sensei, I promise," Leo gave a small smile.

Fifteen minutes later, he was completely alone. As soon as the front door shut, he winced and cradled his right wrist. He'd landed funny and twisted it awkwardly when that last kick went wrong. He thought he'd heard a crack to go with it, but couldn't be too sure. It looked a little bent too but he was positive he was fine. It didn't hurt that much either; he'd probably just bruised it a little.

He rotated the joint and grimaced when he heard a crunch and a pain shot through it. Ok, maybe it was a just a bad bruise, and his wrist was just tired and protesting a little. Still, nothing to worry about. He was all alone now for a good hour or two, plenty of time.

Don and Raph had taken up on Splinter's offer in seconds. They loved going out with their father, just like any little child. They were a bit concerned, even Raph, when Splinter told them Leonardo would not be joining them. But then the thrill of their upcoming adventure soon overtook them and they soon forgot all about their brother's dismissal of their outing.

Leo looked around. Hm, kitchen, dojo and Splinter's rooms where all off limits. The bathroom was too small and the room he shared with Donny was full of junk and toys and stuff. It would have to be the main room. He had no chance of moving the little table with the portable TV and radio perched on top so he'd have to try and move the tatty old couch.

Pushing it with his hands soon turned out to be a bad mistake. He gasped as his wrist creaked and pained and he snatched it away, rubbing at the sore point. Grunting, he shoved and heaved with his shoulder. It was terribly hard work, and it moved devastatingly slowly but soon he had the sofa on the other side of the room, leaving a wide-open space for him to practice.

He rested against it, his shell to the worn furniture, and he rested on the floor for a few minutes, panting and getting his breath back. His wrist was sore. Wow, he'd really bruised it. Ignoring the nuisance for now, he got up, his breathing rate returning to normal after dragging the furnishings.

He practiced for two hours solid, taking stumble after tumble after trip after slip. His wrist burned fiercely with every movement. He was only five, he didn't know anything medical. And he wasn't Mikey; he didn't sob his eyes out every time he grazed himself. And he didn't let any of the countless falls bother him. He nearly bit his lip, ignored his watering eyes and pained wrist, and tried, tried again.

He was so tired after the two hours, his baby body completely unused to such workouts. But he hadn't managed to get anything he'd tried correct. Once he'd mastered one problem, another arose. Once he'd kept his feet in the same place for that kick, he'd lose his balance. And instinct had made him fling his arms out to break his fall and jolted his wrist.

Shaking in anger and fatigue, the little boy collapsed on the sofa, tears of fury forming in his unnaturally sapphire eyes. Why couldn't he get it right? Why? He bit his lip hard, distracting himself from the emotional wound in his heart, and his sore wrist. He'd have to dwell a little on it later; Master Splinter and his brothers would be back soon.

So with lactic acid smouldering inside his calves and weariness gnawing at his little brain, he began to heave the settee back into its regular position. His shoulder was still a little raw from where he'd shoved it earlier. It obviously took a little longer this time, and once he figured it was the most in its usual place as it was going to get, he managed to drag his feet all the way to his bed, and fell onto the cushiony mattress.

He didn't know how long he slept, cramp biting his muscles and his wrist aching through his dreams.

-Dream Sequence-

"Hey Mike, pass me the stars!" Raph called cheerily, back flipping with one hand across the dark rooftops.

**Leo watched from the skylight, drowning in bright moonlight as his brothers danced in the shadows. He ached, but it wasn't physical, it was inside him, somewhere he couldn't pinpoint. The pain flared as he vaguely saw a figure toss glimmering shuriken through the night, piercing the air with a sharp whistle. Raph caught them all. **

**Donny laughed, leaping around Mikey, teasing him, as quick as a flash of lightning. Their laughter echoed through the silent night, avoiding the shimmer of the stars and the moon goddess. Leo didn't think they'd noticed him in their games; he just simply sat on the window, ignored like the light. **

"**Where's Leo?" Donny asked and Leo sat up listening. He was right there!**

"**Ah he's at home cleaning up like the big girl he is!" Raph drawled lazily.**

**The shuriken he held were whizzing around and buzzing, silver steel insects in the dark. No sooner had one glided from his fingers, he caught it in a blur. Leo frowned, trying to overlook the fact his mysterious pain had intensified. His brothers either merely did not see him from their cloaking shadows or he simply was not there, viewing from somewhere spiritual. **

**At home, cleaning? Like a big girl? Dismissing the fact his brother had just made a possibly sexist comment; Leo wondered why he was supposedly at home whilst his brothers were running around topside. They'd never even been up to the surface before! But then he narrowed his eyes, his brothers looked _old_, possibly in their late teens, he wasn't too sure. **

**Looking down at his own body, he let out a gasp. He still had his tiny hands and feet, and little plastron, and bent wrist. What was going on? Wait, he knew. He almost grimaced at the pain. His brothers had grown into the great ninjas Master Splinter had always dreamed of, whilst Leo was left in their dust, useless and forgotten. **

"**Leo's such a rubbish ninja!" Mike said passionately, whirling around so fast, Leo barely caught glimpses of his emerald eyes. The little boy felt his own eyes watering. **

"**It's not his fault he's just…inept,"** **Don shrugged and Leo felt a tiny bit better that his brother was defending him a little.**

"**Inept, pft! He's useless, that's what he is. I don't get why Master Splinter has spent thirteen years trying to teach him, it's only proven one thing," Raph grunted, going even faster with the shuriken. So far, not one had come with an inch of his dark green skin. **

"**Which is…?" Mike prompted, still trying to catch his brainy brother to no avail.**

**Leo found himself leaning forwards in fearful anticipation. Raph may be blunt, but he was honest, a little insensitive at times, but honest. Leo dismissed his trembling, and even the pain nibbling deep inside of him seemed to stop in timid expectancy. **

"**I'm more Britney Spears than he is ninja," **

**That didn't hurt as much as he expected. The pain was barely noticeable. Then all three of his brothers, even caring Donatello, erupted into fits of laughter, at his expense. The pain became shell of a lot more than noticeable.**

-End Dream Sequence-

"Leo! Leo, wake up!"

Leonardo sat up with a jerk, heart pounding. He blinked a couple of times, focussing, until his little brother Mikey appeared, grinning stupidly and bouncing in excitement. His _five_-year-old brother Mikey. He almost smiled, but then remembered the dream. That pain he thought he'd imagined gave a little twinge, reminding him of its presence.

"What is it Mikey?" Leo asked, sitting up and realising he had dropped off on top of his bed sheets, he must have been tired.

"Come 'nd look whut we finded!" Mike chirruped gaily.

He seized Leo's wrist and tugged hard. Unfortunately it was the wrong wrist. Bursts of pain screamed through his joints and he cried out, snatching his hand out of his brother's grasp. He nursed it, head hung low and shamefaced. Mike frowned.

"Dude? 'Sup?" He wondered curiously

"I just bruised it, that's all," Leo shrugged, looking up. His face bore a smile, and it didn't look anywhere near as forced as it was.

"Ok!" Mike's face lit up pleasantly once again and he took Leo's other hand.

Leo obediently followed, letting his baby brother pull him through the main room and into the kitchen where their father was unloading a tatty old rucksack onto the equally scruffy table. Raphael and Donatello were stood up on their very tiptoes, eager to peer inside the bag, although they already knew what was in there, they just couldn't wait to get it out.

"Come 'n' look Leo," Raph waved him over yet Leo was wary, just in case he'd call him a girl.

Leo unquestioningly made his way to the table, his eyes just peering over the top. He didn't perch on his tiptoes, or jump up and down to try and see better, like his brothers. He simply waited until Master Splinter had finished pulling out the usual supplies, like old clothes for winter, chipped pieces of china dinner sets and so on, then reached inside the brown material for their final item. Don, Mike and Raph were all grinning like Cheshire cats.

Leo didn't know what to expect, but he knew he hadn't expected what Splinter actually withdrew from that horrible old pack. It was just a plain old board game. He faked another ecstatic grin. He just wasn't attached to board games like his brothers. He didn't mind playing them when he was bored, or when his brothers needed an extra player, but he just found them a little tedious.

"It's Snakies and Ladderers Leo!" Mikey explained needlessly, looking up at his older brother, wanting to see him just as pleased.

"Y'mean Snakes and Ladders Mikey," Don corrected proudly.

"Shurrup know-it-all," Raph snapped, glaring at Donny.

"Raphael, that is no way to speak to your brother," Master Splinter raised an eyebrow at his moody child.

"Sorry Donny," Raph muttered, ashamed. The rat nodded in approval.

"I think we shall put the game away until after dinner children, and play it before bed," He suggested to a chorus of 'aawws'.

But they allowed him to stow the game away on the highest shelf above the run down ancient stove then trotted off to do their own thing once more. Donny ran off to have a fiddle with the little multiplication jigsaw puzzle Splinter had made him for their birthday two months ago and Raph and Mikey went to go bash each other's Action Men up once more. That was currently their favourite game.

"Did you find lots of stuff Sensei?" Leo asked politely as his father began putting away the new pottery.

"Yes Leonardo, our trip was extremely beneficial, as you can see," The ninja master smiled at his son's politeness. "Are you feeling better?"

"I…" Leo faltered. Was he? He didn't really feel better. "Yes Master," He lied coolly, subconsciously hiding his wrist behind his smooth, oval shell.

"Very good, perhaps all you needed was a nap," Splinter said, sliding the last dishes into their places.

"Yes Sensei. Do you need any help?" He wondered, his round face appearing innocent.

"No, thank you Leonardo. Go and join your brothers in their play and I shall begin dinner," Master Splinter waved his paw, indicating their little chat was over. Leo didn't need telling twice.

Deciding he needed the bathroom, he plodded in there and fumbled with the lock until it was secure. Then when he tried to do his business, he understood his right wrist wouldn't let him. It was just too painful. He had no choice. He had to use his not so good left wrist.

Master Splinter had said most great ninjas were ambidextrous; they could use both their left and right hands equally well. But he wasn't ambidextrous, he was even worse with his left hand than his right. But it was better than letting Master Splinter see he was injured and worrying him.

Once he was finished and the bathroom was clean after his left-handed accident, he went to see what his brothers were doing. Raphael and Mikey were in fits of laughter in their room, pretending Raph's Action Man (Sergeant Kick-Your-Butt) was pummelling Mikey's Action Man (Cap'n Arrgh-Maties) to a pulp in a sea of blue Lego.

It actually seemed quite fun to little Leo, and if his brothers were getting on so well, it had to be good. He knelt in the doorway watching excitedly for a while, and then he looked around for something to join in the battle with. There was a white and grey old pony no one ever played with in the corner, but that was all. It wasn't as good as another Action Man say, but it could be a tame horse gone wild or something.

"Hey guys, can I play?" He asked eagerly, shuffling towards them on his knees, getting friction burns on the threadbare rugs.

"Uh…sowwy Leo, there's kinda only two dolls," Mikey said apologetically, ceasing making his naked Cap'n Arrgh-Maties clock the one-armed Sergeant Kick-Your-Butt around his plastic face.

"They ain't dolls! They're Action Men!" Raph corrected huffily, scowling at his brothers.

"I could use the pony," Leo suggested, pointing towards the poor toy tossed in the corner.

"No way Leo, that's a girl's toy! Besides, ah don't want chu t'play," Raph crossed his arms rebelliously and pouting, giving Leo a good glare.

"Oh, ok then," Leo said dejectedly, climbing to his feet.

Mike watched him go with sorry eyes, feeling a little guilty. But that all vanished when Raph manipulated his figure into diving on Mike's and wrestling him. Their squeals of laughter soon echoed in Leo's ears once more, reminding him horribly of that stupid dream. He tried once more to pay no heed to that churning pain in that unknown place.

Coming into his and Donny's room, he watched him interestedly, wondering how on earth he was putting the pieces together. All the numbers were just that to him, numbers. But they obviously meant something to Donny, 'cause he picked one up, considered them thoughtfully for a few seconds then smiled widely and slotted it into place. Leo cocked his head, again taking to his knees and observing.

"Can I help?" He eventually asked, a little shyly in fear of being rejected once more. Donny looked up from five times two.

"Well Leo, I'd let you, but you don't really know your times tables yet, and you're well…too clumsy. I don't want you messing it all up," Don replied ruefully. Leo kept his face passive as the pain screamed.

"Oh, that's alright," He smiled falsely, getting up and leaving once more.

The rest of the time upto dinner was spent alone, reading that story of the ugly duckling over and over. That peculiar pain neither vanished nor changed in force. His wrist only got worse, despite trying his best to use it. When dinner came, when Snakes and Ladders came, when getting ready for bed came, he did it all with left wrist.

To Be Continued

A.N: All done, hope you likied, I enjoyed typing it as usual lol. There will also hopefully an update to Writing On The Wall tomorrow. See you soon! Much love!


	3. Chapter 3

A.N: Heh, sorry this update is late; I just haven't been much in the mood for writing. And WotW is still being written too, sorry guys. Inspiration comes and goes, you know how it is, rockin' and rollin'. I'm not too sure about the medical content in this chapter; I've tried researching it, but didn't get much, so I just went with common sense. Sorry if it's incorrect. But anyway, here's chapter three.

Black Balloon

Chapter Three

"Leonardo, why are you eating your breakfast with your left hand? You are right handed, are you not?" Master Splinter raised a furry eyebrow at his eldest over the rim of his mug, steam from the green tea blurring his features.

Leo inwardly winced, busted! If truth was told, his right wrist was still paining him a couple of weeks later, and it had in fact, gotten much worse, instead of better. No matter how hard he tried, he just could not stop using it altogether. He did it without thinking about it. But he _had _been using his left hand a lot more than usual. And up to now, it had gone unnoticed.

"Um…you said a good ninja uses both hands Sensei," He replied submissively, peering up at him with a shamed face.

Splinter sighed at his expression; he'd really have to toughen up against these looks. He'd braved his Master's attack by the Shredder without even a flinch yet he couldn't defend himself against his sons' puppy dog looks.

"I think you should use your right hand as usual Leonardo, only very great ninjas are ambidextrous, even I haven't fully grasped the use of using my right hand equally as good as my left,"

He demonstrated this by placing his half full mug of tea in the middle of the table where all of his curious sons could see it. Then he tossed a small sugar cube accurately into the drink with his left hand, giving a satisfying 'sploosh'. Then he switched to his right hand and again, aimed another sugar cube into his mug. It clinked and ricocheted off the porcelain and into the green liquid, drips flying onto the table. He was left handed, and therefore his right claw was not as able.

"Can I twy Sensei? Can I?" Mike asked eagerly, his mouth full of cereal and spitting it all over a disgusted Donny.

"Don't talk with your mouth full Michelangelo," Splinter sighed. He was growing tired of telling his youngest this every mealtime. "And I think two sugars in my tea is quite enough, but thank you for offering," He smiled, taking back his tea and stirring in the half dissolved sweet granules. Mike shrugged and returned to his breakfast.

Leonardo said nothing, only glared down into the bottomless white depths of his plastic beaker full of milk. It didn't help much that Raph, Don and even Mike were allowed to drink out of glasses now, their training helping them in their gracefulness. But of course, Leonardo could still not handle glass and porcelain too well. It just made him feel more inadequate.

He'd had more dreams like the first that time. Thankfully Donny was a reasonable sleeper, and didn't hear him gasp or sometimes cry out and sit up in bed. Any other five year old would have shared these nightmares with their parent by now, but not Leonardo. He knew he was being ridiculous, that they were only dreams. Yet it was getting harder and harder to ignore that little pain in his side.

Still, when he tipped the plastic beaker to his mouth, he held it with his left, only lightly placing his right over the top. It still hurt, but tried not to keep his wince discreet. He was getting good at that. He chinked his beaker onto the wood and pulled his half eaten bowl of cornflakes towards him. He didn't really like cornflakes, but he didn't want to cause any more trouble for his Sensei. Supplies were thin in the sewers.

The rest of breakfast was a silent affair, unless you count Raph and Mikey having a belching contest, which was of course quickly quashed by an exasperated rat. Practice followed thereafter, with nothing really eventful or new happening. They practiced a couple of punches and kicks they'd previously learnt, gone over a couple of movements in the kata, and Leo fell over.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

"Leo, ah'm more Britney Spears than you're ninja!" Raph snapped finally, after Leo almost fell heavily onto him.

"Raphael!" Splinter reprimanded sharply as Mike and Donny burst into peals of laughter. The old rat had seen that flicker of hurt run across the eldest turtle's face.

"Well it's true!" Raph argued, hands on hips in defiance.

Leo bowed his head, staring at the floor. That was exactly what Raphael had said in his first dream. He _was _a useless ninja! He could never _be _ninja; these last few weeks had proved that. Sure, they'd only just started the way of Ninjitsu, but surely he would have improved slightly by now.

He hadn't. He'd even say he'd gotten worse, thanks to his stupid wrist. He had however, gotten slightly better with his left hand, after it's more frequent use. But it wasn't good enough. He tried his best, but his best just wasn't good enough. It would never be good enough. He had no choice. He'd just have to put up with being pathetic, whilst his brothers completed their training in leaps and bounds ahead of him.

"Raphael, apologise to your brother this instant! That was a hurtful thing to say and I will not tolerate it!" The rat spoke sternly, beady black eyes flashing at his son's hurtfulness, his bald tail whipping the air threateningly. Don and Mike instantly stopped their stifled giggling and shrank back in fear, this image of their Sensei was extremely rare, and they certainly didn't like it.

Raph made to retort hotly, itching to prove his point, but a quiet, meek little voice cut across him into the silence. It came from Leo's form on the floor, leaning on his elbows and sore wrist. He sounded like he was going to burst into tears any second.

"Sensei, please, don't punish Raphael," He whispered shyly.

"What are you talking about Leonardo?" Splinter snapped impatiently, shooting his son an annoyed look.

That was the final straw for Leonardo. That expression of exasperation mingled with anger crushed whatever remained of Leonardo's hopes. Tears began to roll down his cheeks in fat droplets, shimmering in his sapphire eyes. They weren't crocodile tears, or tears of shock and hurt like after falling and grazing his knee.

True, inner pain.

Shame.

Fear.

Hatred.

"I…" A cough. "I'm sorry Sensei,"

And before Splinter or his brothers could ponder that, he launched himself up from his hands to sprint out of the room and seize some alone time just when he really needed it. But his wrist told him otherwise. With a pained cry as he pressurised his hurt wrist into taking most of his weight, he collapsed back onto the floor. All those negative emotions had driven his common sense to the back of his mind; temporarily forgetting he had hurt his wrist.

"Leonardo? What is it?" Splinter's previous displeasure was swiftly displaced by genuine concern for his eldest, kneeling beside him. That wince and cry of pain could only be real, if it came from Leo.

Leo blushed deeply, he didn't want this! This wasn't how it was supposed to happen! He was supposed to retreat to his room, calm down a little bit so no one could see him cry, then come out and apologise and return to training as if nothing had happened. But his stupid damned wrist! He'd never hated himself more at that time.

He didn't answer, he merely hid his right hand behind his shell, head hung in shame. Raphael's anger had vanished quickly, replaced with rare compassion for his brother. He, Don and Mikey watched in curious silence, dying to see if their brother was ok, but not really daring to, their Sensei's slight panic was quite intimidating.

"Leonardo," Splinter growled warningly, holding out his paw.

Tears still surging down his flesh, Leo reluctantly thrust his little wrist in his Sensei's direction. He sniffled as he heard the rat gasp and gently clutch his broken wrist, running warm fingers over the bones. He unintentionally cried out as his master attempted to move the limb.

"When did this happen Leonardo?" Splinter sighed.

He didn't know whether to be worried, or angry. He was angry and disappointed that Leonardo had not shared his injury with him, and had possibly lied for days about it. But he was also worried for his son's well being. He had of course never treated a broken bone before, and wasn't quite sure how to either. And that comment had really, truly, deeply hurt him, so much.

"I…I don't know Sensei," Leo shrugged truthfully. He'd lost count of the days, and his little brain was still not capable of telling weeks apart.

"Come with me my son," Splinter let out a tired breath, suddenly feeling very tired and old.

Obediently, Leo let him help him to his feet and lead him towards the kitchen. He was shaking in fear, but Splinter simply interpreted it as shock and from his crying. How wrong he was. Raph, Donny and Mikey trailed innocently behind, all in a state of surprise and fright themselves. They did not understand what was going on.

"Mastah Splinta, is Leo gonna die?" Mike asked fearfully, tugging on the rat's faded kimono. Splinter sighed yet again and patiently patted his youngest on the top of his head.

"No Michelangelo, your brother is not going to die, he has simply broken his wrist," He reassured calmly. Mike smiled widely, a weight lifted of his young shoulders now he knew his brother was still going to stick around.

"Can ya mend it?" He asked curiously, trying to catch a glimpse of the wrist Leo hid in shame.

"I…" Splinter considered it for a moment. For his sons' sakes, he didn't think he should tell them he honestly did not know. "Yes, I believe I can Michelangelo,"

"How d'ya mend it Sensei?" Donny asked intriguingly, taking a few quick steps to catch up with his master and his brothers. Now, only Raphael trailed behind, a little angry with himself but still worried about his brother.

Splinter couldn't help but smile. Donatello was so enquiring and eager to learn, even at this young age. He sometimes felt a little guilty when he did not know enough to fully answer Don's enthusiastic questions, or able to supply ample challenges for the little one.

But he wasn't one hundred per cent sure how to help Leonardo. He remembered reading a book about broken bones and such, but to heal all those, x-rays and physiotherapy and other such medical treatment was required. He obviously could not take Leonardo up to the surface and to a hospital; mutant turtles were not the norm in New York City in this era, sadly.

For humans, the fracture was determined through an x-ray. Once the type of break was identified, it was then set with pins possibly, if it was a clean break and easily healed, no pins or much setting was required. A cast, made up of clean bandages soaked in plaster, was then placed around the bone. This could not get wet usually, and had to be left on for around two or three months, depending on the break. Then, afterwards, the cast was removed and the bone was usually as good as new, it took a little physiotherapy sometimes, but the bone makes a full recovery.

But that was for humans. From the brief time he held onto his son's wrist, he thought the break was pretty minor, just really sore. But he wasn't sure how long this injury had been around. Leonardo had done a good job of hiding it. But why? Denial? Fear? He couldn't be too sure, but it would have to wait for now.

He wasn't exactly positive how he was going to treat this. He needed to further examine the fracture, hopefully it was as simple as he first thought it to be, and wouldn't require much setting. Then, he could attach a splint perhaps, and wrap it tightly. It was the best he could do. He was no doctor.

It was times like this he pitied their fortunes. They didn't deserve to hide out in the sewers, scrounging food, having only themselves for company, receiving no medical attention even when they desperately needed it. It wasn't fair. There were all those terrible people on this earth, living lives of luxury with plenty of money and food. And then there was their little family of mutants, with nothing to really call their own. They'd simply been thrown haphazardly into this cruel world and left to fend for themselves.

"Michelangelo, can you get me a cushion from the couch please?" Splinter asked, indicating the furniture they had just passed. Mike instantly scampered off and seized a square pillow as the others filed into the kitchen.

Leo had not spoken a word, just sniffled every now and again. He felt so naughty, like he'd done something really bad. He let his Sensei steer him into a chair at the table and gently place his injured wrist onto the cushion Mike supplied. He gave no one eye contact, just stared guiltily at his lap.

Splinter went to consult a book he had on the top shelf with the first aid kit and the other three children crowded around their elder brother, asking curious and eager questions about their brother's broken wrist. Raph and Mikey even prodded it. And Leo just let them.

"Michelangelo, come with me, we shall find a suitable splint for your brother," Splinter sighed tiredly, closing the large medical book with a snap and laying it on the table.

"Whut 'bout us?" Raph asked defiantly, snatching his poking fingers away from his brother's wrist when their father looked in their direction.

"You and Donatello shall stay here and look after your brother. He is not to move at all, except for the bathroom, do you understand?"

There was a chorus of two 'Yes Sensei,' but nothing emerged from the eldest's little mouth. Splinter sighed yet again and gave Leo a little pat on the head, before leaving the lair with Mikey. Leo didn't see the silent reassurance, instead he saw the pity, even if it was pretty much non-existent.

"Does it hurt Leo?" Donny asked curiously, clambering up onto a chair. He really would have liked to go with Splinter and talk to him about his brother's break, it really interested him. But he could wait until he got back.

"A little," Leo murmured, embarrassed.

"It looks cool!" Raph said enthusiastically, grabbing his own chair.

"Don't be stupid Raph!" Donny huffed across the table. Raph scowled and instantly gave a sharp and shrill reply and an argument began. Leo simply groaned and rested his head on the hard scrubbed wooden table, staring blankly at his bent and broken little wrist.

"What we lookin' fer Sensei?" Mikey asked, peering around the dimly lit sewers and grasping his father's paw tightly.

The sewers were a scary place for a five year old, and they weren't exactly heaven for the old rat either. Automatic, flickering lights flashed erratically on the walls, heightening and twisting the shadows into horrific shapes. The stench was horrific and the river rushed and gushed threateningly.

Mikey was frightened of the sewers, he was only five, there would be something wrong if he wasn't. Even Raph was fearful sometimes. But like any child, they had huge, untarnished faith in their father, and their fear was reasonably quashed whilst being in his presence. He was their dad after all.

"We're looking for a nice small piece of wood we can smooth and use as a splint to straighten your brother's wrist Michelangelo," Splinter explained, his keen eyes scanning the floor.

"So if we get that, can ya mend it?" Mikey wondered innocently.

"I believe I may be able to Michel, yes," Splinter smiled as his youngest grinned widely.

"Sensei," Mikey said quietly, kicking at an old washed up boot nervously.

"Yes my son?" Splinter probed, looking down at his child, intrigued by his unusually small tone. It was oddly quite serious.

"'Member when we found dat Snakies 'nd Ladderers game?" Mike frowned, as if trying to remember all the details himself. Splinter could remember that evening all too well, Raphael had thrown a tantrum when he had to slide his piece all the way back down to square four, whereas Donny climbed a ladder two squares away from the finish.

"Yes, it seems Raphael doesn't like that game much," Splinter smiled fondly, his tail twitching.

"Well d'ya 'member when I went t'get Leo when we finds it?" Mikey went on, his emerald eyes sweeping over the floor. He didn't know he should be telling his mentor this, but it seemed important to him at least.

"He was asleep, was he not? I believe he said he wasn't feeling well that day," Splinter said thoughtfully, his nose and whiskers twitching in an attentive way.

"Yeah, he was 'sleep. But I woke 'im up 'nd I held his wrist t'take him t'the kitchun 'n' he cried out 'nd said he'd bwuised it," The little boy said in a rush, wanting to get all this important information out at once.

Splinter's brow furrowed in confusion. But that had to be about two weeks ago! Leonardo had been hiding a broken wrist from him for two whole weeks? How on earth did he manage it? Then it all fell into place. The use of his left hand, the reluctance to do anything involving his hands whatsoever. It all made sense.

"That was a long time ago, wasn't it?" He sighed, squeezing the little green hand clasped in his paw.

"Yeah. Is that bad?" Mike questioned apprehensively, peering upwards into his Sensei's face.

"It may be. The bone may have already started healing. But come, he will be fine as long as we find him a splint,"

With a bewildered and heavy heart, Splinter searched the sewers with his youngest son and soon found a suitable material for the splint. But he wasn't confident in his doctoring skills. This would need some researching, once his sons were in bed for the night. He would make sure they were all sleeping soundly, then slip topside and see what he could discover.

"We's baaaack!" Michelangelo trilled pleasantly, bounding through the front door and straight to the kitchen.

Splinter however, would be damned before he bounded anywhere so he calmly followed, holding the tiny four-inch piece of wood. It was small and slim, and about the right size for Leo's wrist. It needed smoothing, but would suffice. Although, he wasn't entirely sure whether this would work.

The two entered the kitchen to find Donny and Raph arguing furiously about who was the most stupidest and why. Leonardo had his head flat on the table, eyes staring, unblinking. When their father and brother came in however, his head snapped up and Donny and Raph instantly shut up.

Splinter went straight to a drawer, rummaged around in it and pulled out a small square of sanding paper. He got to work with a sigh, roughing away all the stray splinters and course wood. He didn't really want to treat Leonardo in front of his brothers because he would have to be reprimanded about lying, but he also knew they would want to make sure their brother was ok.

"My sons, would you please go to your rooms, just until I've wrapped Leonardo's wrist. I need to talk with your brother," He said seriously.

Donny, Raph and Mike looked uneasily at each other, scrambled out of their chairs and filed silently out of the room, Donny heading off to his and Leo's room and Mike and Raph destined to go play with Sergeant Kick-Your-Butt and Cap'n Arrgh-Maties in their room. Leo's heart sank.

"Is…am I in trouble Sensei?" He asked meekly, watching his father sand down the piece of wood.

"Not entirely Leonardo," The rat said, still sincerely. He placed his tools on the table and took a seat before getting back to work. "Michelangelo told me something, whilst we were looking for your splint," He indicated the piece of wood in his hands.

"I…I don't know what you mean Sensei," Leo murmured shyly, looking down at his lap once more. Splinter should have made a note of the eye contact avoidance, but he didn't.

"He told me about when he pulled your wrist once, and you cried out in pain and told him it was bruised. Leonardo, _that was two weeks ago_," He stressed sternly, raising a furry grey eyebrow at the youngster. Leo blushed.

"I…I thought it was just a…a bruise and that it would go away," He admitted sheepishly, hanging his head even lower.

"Leonardo, your wrist is broken. Why did you not come to me when you realised this was not a bruise?" He asked firmly, inspecting his handiwork. He set down the sandpaper.

"I…I…I don't know," Leo confessed truthfully.

He honestly did not know why he did not go to his father. Something just told him it would not be good if he did. No one had ever hurt themselves as badly before, and he wasn't sure if his Sensei would be too pleased. Life was hard for them, sometimes too hard; he didn't want to add to their troubles.

But in a few years, Leonardo would know why he hid it from their father. Fear. He was actually beginning to fear his father. He knew as the eldest, he would always have to look after his little brothers. But his grace would be a hindrance; _he _would be a hindrance to his Sensei.

He would feel his heart thunder in his chest every time Splinter would mention his name. Every time he passed the door to his Sensei's quarters, he would tremble like a terrified child. He was scared of letting him down, scared of worrying him, scared of being wrong. Horror would rule his life.

Splinter sighed exasperatedly and got up to bin the rough, glassy paper and fumble in the first aid box for sufficient bandages. Leo's eyes burned with unshed tears, but he would not release them. He sat in complete silence, although he was in great pain, he let his father firmly put the smooth splint in place and tightly bandage it around the bent wrist.

He only made a noise when Splinter knotted the linen a tad too tightly, pulling the broken joint against its will. A pained whimper escaped his little mouth and he grimaced, the tears fighting even harder in his state of weakness. Splinter immediately loosened the knot, setting his son's hand gently on the cushion for a little more comfort.

"I'm sorry my son," He said softly, rubbing the green fleshed palm reassuringly. Leo said nothing, kept his head down. Splinter thought it was merely shame from being reprimanded.

"I'm sorry, for…for not telling you," The turtle murmured.

"It's alright Leonardo, you shan't be punished as long as you understand that if you hurt yourself, you _must _tell me," Splinter waited for Leo's nod before continuing. "I shall make you a sling and you must not use not use your right hand, understand? It is important you do not injure yourself any more. We'll keep the splint for around two months, and then we shall take it from there. Do you understand Leonardo?" Splinter asked severely, knowing it would be very difficult for his son to abide by these rules. But he hadn't disobeyed him yet, so he wasn't too worried.

"Yes Sensei," Leo replied quietly and submissively.

"Good. You shall not participate in our lessons in the meantime, they are dangerous enough without your injury," Splinter instructed, now pulling out yet more bandages for the sling he was about to make. Leo's head snapped up and he locked eyes with his Sensei for the first time in the last hour or so.

"But…but Sensei! I…I can't! That's…it's not fair!" He protested passionately, his eyes still stinging.

"It is an order Leonardo, fair or not. I will not risk you injuring yourself further," The rat insisted almost coldly.

Leo instantly closed his mouth and lowered his head once more. He knew Splinter was right; he would be in danger of harming himself seriously. But he also knew if he missed so many lessons, he would fall even more behind. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to let his Sensei down, but he also didn't want to be even more of a laughing stock with his brothers.

He would obey the rat. For now.

To Be Continued


	4. Chapter 4

A.N: You know what?? THIS STORY WON FIRST PLACE IN THE 2006 TMNT FANFICTION AWARDS FOR BEST LEONARDO SCENE!! How much does that freaking rock?! It shows to me you guys are still with me on this, and to say thank you, I need to get to grips with my writer's block on this story and kick its ass! So that's what I'm gonna do! Thank you so much guys YOU ROCK!!

Black Balloon

Chapter Four

The young boy bit his lip, peering around the doorframe. He'd avoided his father since he'd had that lecture a few days ago. He was still scared. He was still feeling upset and angry with himself. The only words he'd spoken to his Sensei were along the lines of goodnight and thank you at bedtimes and mealtimes. He was frightened of saying something wrong, in case he got told off again. He was just a child, who could blame him?

He watched the large rat potter around the 'kitchen' with curious blue eyes. For once, Michelangelo wasn't asking to help. Mike loved it in the kitchen, he loved helping his daddy bake cakes and make dinner, even if he did make more mess than food. Leo had wanted to ask if he could spend time in the kitchen before, but he knew Mikey would have been disappointed, so he never asked.

But this time, he didn't want to try out his culinary skills. All he wanted was a little one on one time with his father. He'd woken up from his nap, craving some attention, just like every five year old. He'd never really asked for consideration, he only seemed to get it when Splinter realised he'd been concentrating more on his younger brothers, and that wasn't often. But this morning, despite still being afraid of another lecture, Leonardo wanted some reassuring words.

"Sensei?" He asked timidly, his voice quiet.

Splinter spun towards the door, halting slicing up some vegetables. He smiled at his son, then went back to what he was doing, expecting him to ask if he could help out. He didn't notice his eldest's subtle fear, simply thought it was mere shyness on the child's part. Leonardo, after all, had already proven he was an extremely shy little boy.

"Yes Leonardo?" The rat replied, wondering how on earth Leo could help with his wrist splinted.

It had only been a week, but already Splinter knew Leo detested the thing. He constantly scowled at the splint whenever it hindered his activities, which was pretty often. Splinter didn't think it was possible for the boy to be any clumsier, but he soon found it was. Having to use his left hand more than his right now, the young boy knew his father was always on edge whenever he was in the room, just so he wouldn't trash the place. Unintentionally of course, but it still made Leo feel guilty.

"Um, do you think, I mean, will you sit with me Sensei? Just for a few minutes? Please?" The little turtle child questioned, his voice a whisper.

He was expecting to be rejected straight away; he could see his father was busy. But a little part of him hoped the rat could put aside a couple of minutes in his day, just for him. After all, he sat with Donatello for a whole half an hour earlier, listening to him read a book meant for someone twice his age. It wasn't Leo's turn to read today, and it wouldn't be until the day after tomorrow, but Leo just wanted to sit with him, nothing more.

"I'm sorry Leonardo, but I'm simply far too busy to sit with you right about now," The rat sighed, tipping all the vegetables into the pan on the stove and barely giving his eldest a second glance.

"Oh. That's…that's ok Master Splinter," Leo smiled, fighting hard to keep the disappointment from his young voice.

He turned on his heel and wandered into the main room, suddenly feeling a lot worse than before. But it was all right for his father to be busy, he understood that. Still, it didn't really make him feel any better. Maybe one of his brothers would give him a quick hug and a smile? After all, he gave them plenty. Surely they could spare one for him?

They'd just had their nap, so Mikey and Raph would more than likely be playing some raucous and extremely noisy game, in fact he could hear them in their room from there, and Donny would be reading presumably. Splinter had scrounged some old books from one of the dumpsters topside, which the clever child had taken a shine to.

He didn't really want to face Raph in a mood like this; he would most probably make it worse, especially if he was in a particularly energetic and aggressive temper. So he decided to go find Donny. Their room was quiet, but he poked his head around the door anyway and smiled when he saw his younger brother curled up on his bunk, a book Leo could hardly comprehend in his hands.

Raph had the top bunk between him and Mikey because the youngest turtle wanted to be as near as possible to the night-light. Raph didn't mind, he liked it up there; he enjoyed jumping down in a morning, despite Master Splinter constantly reprimanding him and telling him to use the ladder. And in Don and Leo's room, Donny had the top bunk, simply because the first time Leo spent the night up there, he ended up curled right up in the corner with the sheets over his head, petrified of the height. So Donny willingly swapped, he didn't mind heights at all, and Leo took the bottom bunk, much closer to the floor.

"Um, Donny?" He asked meekly.

"Hm?" Don didn't even look up from his book, too absorbed in the dry, rough pages leaping to life in his young brain.

"Can I…can I sit with you? And have a…have a hug?"

Donny didn't even give him the satisfaction of looking at him. He just licked his finger and flicked over the page, his hazel eyes scanning the words so fast Leo wondered if he was actually even reading them. But then he reminded himself, it was Donny, of course he was reading. Some of the books looked pretty interesting, he'd have to ask to borrow them sometime.

"Sorry Leo, but this book is really, really good. Another time ok?" Don murmured, hardly paying him any attention.

Leo's heart sank.

"Oh, alright then,"

But it didn't show in his voice.

He turned on his heel and walked dejectedly towards his other brothers' room, his head low. He could hear Mikey's excited squeals and Raph's exuberant yells from here. He dragged his heavy feet, pulling a sigh from his little lungs. His brother was busy too, that was ok. He didn't have to spend time with him if he didn't want to. Still, Leo couldn't help but feel even more upset.

Peering into Mike and Raph's room, he found them racing their figures, Sergeant Kick-Your-Butt and Cap'n Arrgh-Maties, which were taped onto two very dented and very battered old toy trucks. The vehicles still had four wheels each however, and therefore worked just fine. Biting his lip, Leonardo remembered when they wouldn't let him play with them a couple of weeks ago. He hoped it wouldn't be the same.

Bravely he moved forward into the room, resting one hand on the doorframe.

"Um, guys?" He ventured quietly. Raph and Mike halted their trucks, mere centimetres from barrelling straight into one another.

"No Leo, ya can't play, there ain't anymore Action Men 'n' yo' even more clumsy wi'that arm," Raph replied instantly before Leo could even say another word.

"That…that wasn't what I was gonna ask," Leo murmured, blushing a little. Mike tilted his head, reading his expression.

"D'ya want a hug Leo?" He questioned kindly. The youngest turtle often woke up craving hugs and cuddles, he knew how it felt. Blushing harder, Leo nodded, avoiding their eyes.

"Huggin's fer babies!" Raph snorted defiantly, sitting on his heels and folding his arms across his small plastron.

Mikey had made to get up instantaneously the moment Leo nodded, after all Leo _always _gave him an embrace and sat with him when he asked. But as soon as those words spilt from Raphael's mouth, he hastily pretended to shift into a more comfortable position on his numb butt and copied his elder brother's rebellious pose. If Raph was too old for hugs so was he! Sure he was the youngest, but he wasn't no baby!

"Yeah, I…I guess they are," Leo gave a small smile and retreated back down the corridor. He didn't think it was even possible to feel any worse.

He knew Mikey would have comforted him straight away if Raph hadn't said that. The littlest turtle was just far too under the influence of his brothers, especially Raphael, who found Mike's willingness to copy him amusing. Mike hated being the youngest as much as Leo hated being the eldest. Michelangelo wanted to prove he wasn't the little baby they treated him as (Five years old was of course, very grown up!) and Leonardo wanted to prove he wasn't the annoying older brother _he_ was treated as.

Leonardo sighed and leaned back against the locked door, letting the breath out in a long slow exhale. He felt full and sleepy from dinner, but his troubled mood hadn't altered any. And now it was time for bath and bed, and he still felt rotten. He'd tried doing a little reading, but he couldn't concentrate, the words just seemed to merge into one huge black scribbled mess. He'd tried just lying in silence on the couch, but Raph laughed at him and Splinter asked if he was ill, so that hadn't worked out how he'd hoped it would either.

He padded towards the tub and dipped a finger into the clear water Master Splinter had prepared for him. Hot, but not too hot his body couldn't stand it. He wasn't supposed to get his splint wet, and up to yet, he'd found it hard. He'd had to wrap it tightly in a towel and totally depend on his left hand with washing and getting in and out. At first, he'd make such a mess, Splinter had had to help him bathe, just when they had learnt to do it themselves. But now, he was better.

He brushed his fingers through the hot lake, causing ripples and mild splashes. He hadn't trained in such a long time, it felt like years! But of course, it had only been weeks. He hated his lessons, really truly despised them, but he knew already they were important. If Master Splinter wanted them to have Ninjitsu lessons, they were more than important. And Leo felt bad about letting his daddy down. He was going to be an even poorer ninja now.

Dismally, he pulled the patched and worn hand towel from the rack and began to wind it around his injured arm tight, tucking in any stray ends to protect the splint and bandaging from the water. It didn't hurt so much now, just every now and then when he attempted to rotate his wrist at a more than sluggish pace. He didn't know how long two months was, but he knew it was a _very_ long time, and he had a lengthy time to wait before he could take the splint off, pain or no pain.

He clumsily clambered into the tub, holding his bad arm high to avoid the droplets splashing as he sort of stumbled into a sitting position. Grumbling, he rested his limb on the side of the bath, and leaned back, basking in the water. It wasn't deep, only a couple of inches, but it was sufficient. He liked baths. He made sure he had one every single night, whereas Mikey and Raph had to be forced most of the time.

Splinter had been hesitant in letting Donatello bathe on his own the first time he asked a few weeks ago, after all, a few inches was more than enough for tots to drown in. He'd made Donny promise not to lock the door and yell if he needed help. Of course, Donny was absolutely fine, and it wasn't long before the others were eager to prove their solitary bathing skills also.

Leo secretly preferred bathing with his brothers like they had done when they were a little younger. He loved their company, loved Mike and Raph splashing each other, loved Donny asking Splinter what water was made of, loved his Sensei's look of utter perplexity at the question. He missed the fun they had. But he knew it wasn't to be had again.

Pulling the washcloth from the crate beside the bathtub, he dunked it in the water, soaking up the liquid until the material became heavy. He dreaded to think how much of a disaster his lessons would be once he was fit again. His brothers would be so much better; they'd have two whole months of practice, however long two months was. And he'd have nothing, nothing whatsoever, when he was the one who needed it the most.

He thought back to when he first trained on his own all that time ago. And then again when he had first broken his wrist. They had helped, just a little bit. He was free from distractions and pressure (Besides his own of course, which would probably turn out to be the worse); he was able to concentrate without anybody laughing at him or getting disappointed. He smiled weakly, his first smile all day, his eyes twinkling with an idea.

Hurriedly, he squeezed the water from the washcloth over his body, scrubbing away the dirt so fast it seemed as if his life depended on it. It was hard one-handed, but he was getting used to it now. He had been using his left hand for a number of weeks now. Satisfied his shell was as clean as it was going to get, he scrambled out of the tub as softly and suspiciously as possible. He knew he wasn't expected out of the bathroom for a while yet; he always spent the most time bathing.

He dried himself off as best he could; making sure every centimetre of his smooth green skin was rubbed waterless. Tossing the towel back in its rightful place, he began to unwind the other hand towel from his arm, careful not to pull his wrist. Holding his arm in front of him, he lightly began to flex his fingers, opening them and clenching them. The ache was dull, and quickly passed as he worked it out. His smile grew wider and he moved into the centre of the tiled floor.

Half an hour later, he slumped against the plastic coldness of the bathtub and slid down to the floor, panting heavily. His wrist ached, but he felt so much better for taking matters into his own hands and _doing _something about his ineptness. He hated sitting alone in his room whilst the others where having their lessons. He was bored, felt useless.

Sure, it wasn't like a true lesson with Master Splinter, but it helped. Well, not so much his skill, but it helped the way he felt. He wasn't feeling so hurt and upset anymore, he felt…relaxed. He didn't think about the whole secret part though. Because he knew if he did, he wouldn't be able to stop that swamping, gnawing guilty feeling.

Once he'd regained his breath, he closed his eyes for a few seconds, listening to his heart thud in the quiet room. Boy was he going to sleep tonight! He smiled sleepily and turned on his knees to reach down into the now lukewarm water and pulled out the plug. He rested his arms on the rim of the tub and leant his head warily down, watching the liquid gurgle and spin down the hole.

As soon as the last droplet sunk in to the darkness, he climbed up and unlocked the door, moving his feet absent-mindedly, and rubbing his face tiredly. Coming into the main room, he found Mikey already sound asleep on the sofa, an old children's' cartoons tape playing fuzzily to itself. Leo giggled and went to wake him up. It was bedtime now anyway. A glass of milk and a cookie each and then they were off to bed, ready for the dreams of night.

"Goodnight Leo," Don murmured with a yawn, snuggling down into his pillow and pulling his bedcovers tightly around himself like a cocoon.

"'Night Don," Leo mumbled drowsily up to the bed above him.

He sighed contently, curling up into the foetus position and closed his eyes, knowing he was going to fall asleep almost instantly tonight. He was so tired. He smiled softly, only half listening to his brother's low snores, and Raph's louder snorts in the room next door. Raphael was adamant he didn't snore, but then why else would Mike take earmuffs to bed with him, even if they _were_ pink and fluffy?

Soon enough, the little boy drifted into slumber, at first not dreaming about anything at all, just resting peacefully. His little yellow plastron heaved gently up and down as he breathed deeply, wound up tight and warm in his blanket. His hand secretly searched for Mr. Monk-Monk, the tattered old monkey soft toy Splinter had given him when he was three. Besides Mikey, he was the only one who cuddled it as if suffocating it every night. When he woke up in a morning and found it clutched in his arms, he'd hurriedly stuff it down the side of the bed before anyone saw.

He frowned in his sleep, hanging on to the covers and Mr. Monk-Monk firmer than ever. Master Splinter was screaming at him, reprimanding him for working out all on his own, broken wrist and all. He whimpered and the rat simply yelled more, seemingly growing in size, filling the claustrophobic blackness all around. He scrambled backwards, and still his father advanced upon him. The words erupted from Splinter's mouth again and again.

Useless.

Pathetic.

Sad.

Clumsy.

Wimp.

He felt like his chest was being crushed, he couldn't breathe. He moaned once more, shaking his head so fast he felt dizzy. He wasn't listening! He clamped his hands over his ears, but the words crept through his skin and pounded within his head over and over. He looked up, fearfully, into those furious, beady black eyes. He saw the claw rise high into the air. He saw it speeding towards his upturned, frightened face…

He toppled out of bed with a noisy thump, tangled within woollen blankets and Mr. Monk-Monk. He fought his way to the surface and threw the cover off as if it where the bogeyman. Panting, he looked frantically around, wide eyes taking in every inch of his Splinter-free surroundings. Once he realised what had happened, he closed his eyes, breathing deeply, sniffles of shock stabbing at him.

"Leo? Was that you?" He heard Donny ask frantically.

If he squinted up, he could just see the shadow of his brother sat up in his bunk, peering down anxiously, hoping to see a turtle and not the bogeyman Splinter told them would come to take them away if they don't go to sleep.

"Yeah, yeah, it's me," Leo breathed, still in too much of an astonishment to move. Donny relaxed significantly.

"Was it a bad dream?" He asked kindly. They'd often wake to hear Mikey yelling about monsters and whatnots late into the night.

"Yeah…bad dream," Leo muttered passively, gathering up all of his sheets and dumping them back onto the bed to wrap him up in once more. His wrist ached again.

He looked up to see Master Splinter hurrying in, dressing robe pulled tight against the attacking cold, and with two more turtle tots at his heels, one of them yawning and tugging an orange blanket behind him.

"Leonardo! Are you alright?" The rat asked anxiously, hanging on to the doorframe. The five year old being addressed peered at his father.

"Yes Sensei, it was just a bad dream," He murmured politely. The fear he was keeping locked well away was making him feel physically sick.

"Are you sure? Would you like to sleep in my bed for the rest of the night?" Splinter queried, stepping a little closer to the small boy.

Leo couldn't see Raph's scornful face, but he knew what his brother would say if he accepted their father's offer. Not only that, but the prospect of being so close to his father after such a dream was just downright terrifying. Taking a deep breath, he answered as respectfully as he could.

"No thank you Sensei, I'm grown up now,"

Splinter raised an eyebrow, and fought the urge to look down at Raphael; this was his doing the rat knew. Raph always griped about being grown up and able to do things on his own now. Being so rebellious, Splinter didn't expect anything less. However, he also didn't expect Leonardo to follow his younger brother's example. With a weary sigh, he nodded.

"Very well, you know where I am if you have anymore bad dreams. Come along Michelangelo, Raphael, it would not do for the bogeyman to drop by, would it?"

That made even Raphael scramble furiously towards his bed. With a final goodnight to his other two sons, Splinter made his way back to his own bed down the corridor.

Leonardo quietly echoed Donatello's goodnight, then wrapped himself in his sheets once more. He held Mr. Monk-Monk so tight to his plastron; the poor old thing almost had its head squeezed off. It wasn't long before Donatello was off snoozing again and Leo felt the tears begin to trickle down his cheeks and onto the pillow. He pulled the sheets high over his head, sniffling in the dark.

The old rat sighed and rubbed his aching temples. It sure was tiring raising four young boys. Especially four boys who were the same age and had a tendency to get on each other's nerves. But still, he loved them to death and wouldn't have them any other way, that's who they were after all, he couldn't change that. And what sort of a father would he be if he wanted to?

Splinter shook his head exasperatedly and pulled an incense stick from the packet on the table next to the chair. He lighted it from the flame of a candle, and then set it in its holder, wafting the smell of sandalwood with his paw, sniffing appreciatively. He took his tea and settled back, closing his eyes, basking in the blissful silence.

Leonardo's splint had been removed yesterday, after two very, _very _long months. He pitied the poor child for having to put up with it for so long, but he was secretly grateful it was the eldest who had broken his wrist and not Michelangelo or Raphael. Now that would have been a _real _nightmare. At least Leonardo didn't kick up a stink and complain about it like his younger brothers would have done. Michelangelo yells the house down if he grazes his knee, Daimyo knows what he'd be like if he broke a bone.

Thankfully Leonardo's wrist had healed without a hitch. It was still a little stiff but it didn't ache and it seemed to have mended well. In fact, he felt able to join in their lesson that day. Splinter had allowed him reluctantly, but he kept a very close eye on the boy. He was ashamed to admit it, but he had enjoyed lessons without Leonardo there. Sure he wanted to learn just as much as his brothers, perhaps even more so. But he wasn't as adept as his brothers, and it really frustrated their father. How was he supposed to teach a student like that? Leonardo would never be like his brothers in this aspect, so why was he even bothering?

Because a part of him couldn't tell the child it was hopeless. He just couldn't break the little boy's heart. He was so determined to please and do everything right, Splinter just couldn't tell him to forget it. Besides, another small part of him hoped Leonardo would pull through, and show some skill for the art, however tiny it may be. He wanted to pass on the skills of Ninjitsu, but how could he do that when his student was so clumsy and unskilled?

And the boy would have made a brilliant group leader with his temperament. Sure Raphael was turning out to be the more ninjaesque out of the four of them, but Splinter could already see Raphael could be no leader. He was brash, hotheaded, sometimes violent. Whereas Leonardo, he was patient, calm, modest. They were almost exact opposites, it was just a shame Leonardo couldn't be more like Raphael in the ninja department.

He would have been perfect.

Practice today was just a jumble of tumbles and madness. Maybe he had been hoping for some sort of miracle, for Leonardo to incredibly acquire an ability equal to Raphael's. Well, he didn't get it. Leonardo remained just the same as ever, much to everyone's, including his brothers' and his own, irritation. Raphael had grumbled and raised his fist many a time.

The problem was, Splinter couldn't continue Leonardo's lessons hoping he would improve, because if he didn't, it would have been a waste of time. And surely it would be kinder to tell him to quit now than in ten or so years time? But was Splinter willing to take that risk? He who dares, wins after all, but still. What if Leonardo never aspired to the great ninja Splinter wanted him to be? It was certainly starting to look out that way.

Nevertheless, Leonardo had shown the slightest slither of improvement this morning. He didn't compare to his brothers on the other hand. Maybe being on the sidelines for so long made him think more about his actions? Whatever the solution was, Leonardo certainly tried his hardest; there was no denying that. But this sudden progress wasn't enough to change the rat' mind about the whole never be a great ninja thing.

Draining his cup, Splinter sighed again, watching the ember on the incense stick dim before finally burning out with a last, feeble puff of scented smoke. He set the chipped china down with a chink on wood and heaved himself out of the chair. Preparing himself for bed, Splinter decided to leave the whole thing to develop a little more. It was early days yet, however unpromising they may look.

"Mastah Splinta, Mastah Splinta!!"

The rat turned from observing Leonardo endure an endless amount of unrewarding drill, to give Michelangelo his attention. The littlest forcefully and excitedly demanded him to watch, and then preceded to perform the kata Splinter had been teaching them. It was sloppy and hard to determine which move was which, but the young boy had indeed remembered the whole sequence, much to his delight.

"Very well done Michelangelo!" Splinter beamed, laughing at how proud and thrilled his youngest son looked.

His brothers all cheered and congratulated him, especially Leonardo. No one could have been more pleased for him than Leonardo. After giving Michelangelo a few words for improvement, Splinter returned to instructing Leonardo's drill, a tiring task for both master and student, particularly as the student was less than capable. It had to be done however.

Noting the satisfaction Splinter had shown when he saw Michelangelo complete their first kata; Leo was determined to make their father proud of _him _too. That was all he wanted, just some recognition that he was making progress. He'd never concentrated more in his whole life. Granted he was only five years old but still, he hadn't, he knew he hadn't. He only wanted to make Splinter proud, was that too much to ask?

He moved his body as slowly as possible, thinking it through again and again in his brain. Realising where he usually went wrong at normal speed, he corrected his feet at the last minute and came to a stop, upright, in the accurate position. He'd finally achieved a stepping side kick without tripping over his own feet. Grinning widely, stupidly, he peered up at his father, hoping for praise.

"Again Leonardo, faster," The rat's voice was almost cold, so unlike it had been a couple of minutes ago when he had congratulated Michelangelo's performance.

Leo opened his little mouth to say something, then thought better of it. So what if he finally did a move correctly? His brothers had been doing these exercises fine for weeks, they were nothing special. It wasn't as if he'd made up his own kata or anything, why should they make a big fuss about him? He understood it perfectly, he didn't mind, really.

Really.

Really really.

Sighing, Leo rolled over and faced the wall, rubbing Mr. Monk-Monk against his cheek. He'd do better tomorrow; he'd make Splinter proud of him. He'd done his little bathroom trick once more this evening, and it had worked fine. He'd probably do it more often. It was only fifteen minutes or so, but it was fifteen minutes away from Splinter and his brothers, fifteen minutes away from their constant pressure and teasing. It was fifteen minutes of pure heaven. And he'd use them wisely that was for sure.

"Hey Leo, you awake?" Donny whispered loudly, peering over his bunk to dip his head into Leo's bed space. Leo quickly stuffed Mr. Monk-Monk under the covers, although he knew Donny wouldn't bother him about it.

"Yeah, what's up?" He asked, turning his head to face his brother, seeking his hazel eyes in the darkness.

"I was wondering, d'you know what'd be a really cool idea?" Donny asked enthusiastically.

"What?" Leo took the bait, heart sinking; he didn't have a good feeling about this, despite Don appearing so eager.

"We could have bandanas like those super heroes on TV!" Don laughed pleasantly at his idea. They all practically worshipped the TV, especially Mikey and Raph, and, just like most little boys, shows about superheroes were their favourites.

"Yeah…really cool,"

"And I could have purple, and Mikey could have orange, and what colour do you think Raph would have?"

"…Red. Raph loves red,"

"Oh yeah! And you could have blue, you like blue, don't you?"

"…Yeah,"

"I'll tell them tomorrow. Well, good night Leo!"

"Good night Donny,"

Donny's grinning face disappeared and Leo heard him snuggle back into his bed, deep and warm in his sheets. He heard him sigh contently and fall into his usual deep sleep. Leo always envied him for that. Don had never had any trouble sleeping, whereas it took Leo ages to finally drift off. Leo sighed and pulled his sheets tight and close for warmth and Mr. Monk-Monk for comfort.

He hated blue. He thought it was boring. Nothing interesting was blue! Light wasn't blue, stars weren't blue, and nothing he liked was blue. It was red he liked, a bright fierce red, but Raph would just say he was copying. Raph always chose the red crayon, the strawberry flavoured milk, the red toy truck, everything red. And Donny liked purple and Mike loved orange. So Leo had no choice but to go with the leftovers. He usually didn't mind if it kept the peace, but to have a _blue_ bandana?

Why did Donny have to be so smart? Leo wasn't really jealous, that was his brother's gift, but he wished Don didn't come up with some of these ideas sometimes. Sure they were really good ideas, like taking it in turns to have the free toy in the cereal box, but some of them Leo thought they'd be much better off without them, like these bandanas for instance.

And why did Raph always get what he wanted? Leo liked the red crayon and the red truck too, why couldn't he ever play with them? Maybe because he'd never told them. He was that used to using whatever was left, he took the blue crayon and blue truck first. So it wasn't really Raph's fault for always picking those was it? He just assumed he was the only one who liked red, so Leo couldn't really blame him, could he?

He rolled over onto his shell in the dark, staring at the shadows of Don's bunk. Why were they all so different? And not just to each other, but to those people topside too. What gave them the right to walk freely and happily in the sun, whilst they had to endure life hidden away in the sewers? Leo wasn't stupid. He knew why their father had forbidden them to leave the house alone. He also knew why Splinter kept the closest eye possible on their surroundings and also had his nose in the air frequently when they were out.

They would be captured, like those animals on the documentaries Donny liked. Those animals weren't kept very nicely at all. They were locked in cages and didn't have much food and were beaten up. And all because they were different. It almost made Leonardo cry, to think of such things, so he rubbed his cheek against Mr. Monk-Monk's face. He liked where they lived, he liked being with his family. The thought of being away from them simply terrified him. That was why he didn't protest like they did when Splinter forbade them from going out. He knew the reasons.

He knew Mike and Raph wouldn't understand. All they cared about was having some great big adventure with sewer crocs and giant monsters. Donny knew though, that was why he watched those documentaries with so much intensity. His huge curiosity for knowledge baffled them all. He wanted to know what would happen if the slightest thing was miscalculated, if this person did this instead of this, if you put this thing in this environment. His insatiable ream of questions certainly tired their father out.

That was probably why Donatello was so fascinated with dinosaurs at the moment. After watching 'Jurassic Park' on their old, battered black and white television, Donny intended to find out everything and anything he could about the prehistoric creatures, from a pterodactyl to a stegosaurus to a tyrannosaurus rex. He adored them, felt sad that they were no longer around. He would have loved to just catch a glimpse of one. That was another reason he enjoyed 'Jurassic Park' so much perhaps. His brothers undoubtedly didn't share his enthusiasm for the film.

Consequently, when Splinter had asked them that morning how they wanted their rooms repainted, Donny instantly piped up with a shrill, excited 'Dinosaurs!' It was supposed to be a joint decision of course, but Leo saw how thrilled Don was at the prospect of having all his beloved monsters all over the walls, Leo just couldn't disagree, no matter how much he despised them. In fact, he loathed them just as much as Donny loved them. But, because Don was already flicking through some books for picture ideas, Leo murmured his agreement to dinosaurs.

He knew he was going to be too scared to sleep at night once the room was finished. Just the thought of all those beady, hungry eyes and the rows and rows and pearly needle sharp teeth made him shiver. And he was going to have to share a room with these things! Their bed was right next to the wall; he could even end up with one staring him right in the face! He gave a little whimper at his over-active imagination, and buried himself and Mr. Monk-Monk a little deeper under the sheets.

He was going to have to start getting used to sleeping totally under the covers if this carried on. He couldn't do that forever however. He was going to fall asleep with his head above the blanket at some point, exposed to all dinosaurs that might want to glare hungrily at him. Was it possible to have _nice _dinosaurs? Dinosaurs who were really fluffy and cuddly and didn't eat turtles and rats? Leo didn't think so; he'd never seen one in Donny's books. He knew some were vegetarians, but they still looked rather scary to him!

For the first time, he wished he were sharing a room with Mike or Raph. _They _wouldn't choose dinosaurs. They'd both chosen their favourite superhero, Spider-Man to decorate their walls. Leo didn't particularly like spiders, but he liked Spider-Man a whole lot more than dinosaurs. At least Spider-Man had super powers and could chase away the dinosaurs! He could catch them in a huge sticky web and then they wouldn't be able to scare him anymore.

He soon fell into a deep sleep full of Spidey's twists and turns and dinosaur roars from the shadows. He clutched Mr. Monk-Monk tight as if it were Spider-Man himself and they were swinging through the skyscrapers of Manhattan, dodging and spinning to avoid those famished claws. And then Spider-Man left him on a rooftop, alone and cold in the snow, growls and snarls echoing all around.

And he was no longer a little boy anymore! He was taller and muscled and older. He was agile and strong and clever and sprinted in the shadows and leapt over rooftops like the great ninja Master Splinter wanted him to be. He ran away from the dinosaurs, leaving them in the dust. He wasn't scared of them anymore, he could punch and kick and fight like all those incredible ninjas on TV, like his father.

That was all he wanted, to be just like his father, to make him proud. He wanted to see him smile at something _he _had done, wanted to hear the words 'Well done' and not 'Again Leonardo'. He wouldn't be able to do that if he was scared and clumsy. Master Splinter wasn't frightened of dinosaurs. Dinosaurs didn't even exist! Why should he be scared of something that wasn't real?

Again.

Again.

Again.

He _would _do it again! And he'd do it a thousand times more if it helped him gain his father's respect. He'd do it until his legs dropped off and his brain didn't work anymore. He didn't care how long it took. He wanted to be just as good as his brothers. He wanted to be a good son. He wanted to be perfect.

If he wasn't perfect, then what was the point in even trying?

If he weren't perfect, then Splinter wouldn't even want to know.

If he weren't perfect, his brothers wouldn't want him.

To Be Continued

A.N: Oh my freaking gawd lol. I can't believe I've finally finished a chapter!! Can't believe how many different methods I've tried to change 'scene', stupid thing lol. Lolness well I hope you enjoyed it! Sorry there was a lot of time skipping, but it's just one of those chapters you know? Need all the quick changes for the development of the story. Anyway, thank you again so much for voting this first place for best Leo scene. I LOVE YOU, YOU ALL RAWK!!


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